Bad day, or bad 5 minutes?

Have you seen this meme on social media?  A better question might be, has anyone NOT seen this quote?

Well, it spoke to me.  I tend to spread out those bad 5 minutes into bad days, I know I do.  After seeing this for the 15th time, I knew I needed to apply it to my life.  

Because, no matter how rough a few minutes of a day it, I am incredibly blessed!!!  

Lana slept until 10am today, and she woke up happy, singing in her crib and just thrilled to see me come into her room!  She makes me feel like a rock star, just by showing up!  Never mind that I'm not wearing make-up, heck I'm usually not even wearing pants, my hair's a mess, and I'm sure I have bad breath.  Nope, she's over the moon to see me!

We ate breakfast, pancakes for her and cereal for me.  She only ate 2 of her 6 mini chocolate chip pancakes (they're basically a cookie), and drank a little of her milk.  I was annoyed that she wouldn't eat, but just let her be.

I worked on my embroidery hoops, finishing the backs of 5 hoops, for the next hour at least.  She played all around me, happy as a clam!  At one point I turned around to see her sitting on the table, holding a rose from my birthday bouquet (thanks Korrine), singing at the top of her lungs into a spatula, and swinging her legs.  Adorable!  I came up to her and I could see the fear on her face, she thought I would yell at her for being on the table (which admittedly I do a lot), but instead I gave her a big hug and kisses, and told her she was the cutest girl!  How could I be upset with her, when she's so happy!

We went to the post office to mail out some etsy orders, then Kroger to get a few things for dinner tonight.  She cried and screamed when I tried to put her in the cart, it was pretty embarrassing.  I got a lot of looks from strangers:  pity, concern, annoyance, and enjoyment.  She climbed out of the cart and lunged at me, holding onto my neck as tight as her little hands could grasp.  She immediately stopped crying, and just looked at me and whimpered, "mommy."  I carried her through the store, only putting her down to check out.  I started out so frustrated with her!  Stop crying!  We ride in carts all the time!  But then I thought about how fleeting these times are, and how in a few years she won't long for me to hold her.  

We got some Wendy's french fries (and a caffeine free diet cherry Coke for me) and came back to the house to play with sidewalk chalk.  She was so happy that I was playing with her, giving her all the attention she deserves, and being silly with her.  We drew Peppa Pig, a hot air balloon that looked like an Easter egg, a dinosaur, a sun, and a rainbow.  She pointed to each one and told me what they were, then walked over them and counted from 1 to 13 over and over again.  It wasn't a discussion of importance, but it was a conversation to her.  

She refused to take a nap, instead she gibber-jabbered in her crib for over an hour.  I was bitter that she wouldn't nap, because then I couldn't nap!  But then I went to get her, and she was so happy to see me!  She popped right up, and said, "mommy, downstairs?"  So downstairs we went.  

I was prepping our dinner, chopping up vegetables and chicken for some delicious lettuce wraps.  I turned on Peppa Pig for Lana to watch while I worked.  All the sudden, I hear something drop.  I turn around.

Spoiler:  this is the 5 minutes...

Lana had taken my large, delicious caffeine free diet cherry Coke from Wendy's, which was on the kitchen counter out of her reach I though, and tried to drink it.  But it slipped out of her hands and went EVERYWHERE.  All over the wall, the table, the floor, the rug, and of course her.  I roughly scooped Lana out of the way and tried cleaning up the mess.  Justen walked in from work right about now, and saw me wiping up.  I was angry.  I was mean to Lana.  I even mumbled under my breath that she was stupid.

Justen lost it.  He picked up our pookie, pointed his finger in my face and said, "You don't EVER call our daughter stupid," and stormed out of the kitchen.  Lana was crying because mommy was mad, daddy was yelling, and Peppa got turned off.

I chased after my loves, apologized profusely, kissed away all the tears, and promised to never say that again.  I don't know why I did say it, I don't think that and I've never thought or said that before!  I'm glad she's little and won't remember.  I hope Justen can forgive and forget.

It was a rough 5 minutes.

We cleaned up, finished food prep, and decided we weren't hungry yet.  Justen got our bikes ready and we went on a family bike ride, it was wonderful!  We all had so much fun!  Lana was particularly adorable, giggling and laughing as she rode in her bike carrier thingy behind Justen.  Justen and I had a great talk about our future, making plans and dreaming of our future.  We stopped at a playground for Lana to go down a slide a dozen times, and the joy on her face reminded me of how lucky I am.

We came home, had a great dinner, but Lana refused to eat anything.  Justen made her a grilled cheese sandwich and she wouldn't touch it.  She kept going to the pantry and begging for chips. She'd pull on my shirt or arm, and beg for chips.  She'd yell at Justen for chips.  She tried everything to get chips, but we held our ground.  She found a glass jar with bouillon cubes in it, and thought it was candy.  She threw the biggest fit for that "candy" despite us telling her it was yucky!  Justen gave in and gave her a shiny, gold foil-wrapped chicken-flavored bouillon cube, which she excitedly opened and popped in her mouth!  I videoed it, It was hysterical!  She spit it out, said, "yucky," over and over again!  Even after that, she wouldn't take a drink of milk or try her sandwich!

So Justen disappeared and I did dished while Lana whined and cried for chips.  When he came back to the kitchen, I snapped at him to help dry the dishes and get Lana out of the pantry.  I told him I hadn't had a break all day!  He replied, "Neither have I."  I was all of the sudden grumpy and wanted to get away, so I went to our room and started a shower.

Then Lana hopped in the shower with me.  She was so silly, she turned my frown upside down almost immediately! When I finished up, I ran a warm bath for her and she was a little fish!  She loves water, she never wants her bath to end.  But, it does...

And her comes another 5 minutes.

She screamed and cried when Justen dried her off, and lotioned her up, and put on her jammies.  So. Much. Screaming.  When he finished, we went downstairs to watch a show, but she screamed even more because she just wanted to watch Peppa Pig in the kitchen.  Peppa Pig is the soundtrack to our lives right now.  So, in a fit of rage, I scooped her up and said, "say goodnight to daddy, you are going to bed!"  I took her to her room and dumped her in her crib, kissed her and said goodnight while she screamed.

I stepped out of her room and put my head in my hands, and just thought, "Today has been the worst day!"  But then I thought about the meme...  It was just a few instances of unpleasantness, which is totally typical of a 2-year old!  In reality, today was a really great day!  

While Lana screamed, Justen and I watched some tv together and got ready for bed.  We checked on her an hour or so later, and she was naked from the waist down, fast asleep in her crib!  We put on a clean pullup, her pj bottoms, and snuggled her warm little body until she fell back asleep.  It was both hilarious and precious.

And that's what I choose to take from today:  Lana is both hilarious and precious.  She is my favorite, second only to Justen.  She makes every day better, and I'm glad for the reminder to look past those pesky 5 minutes.

#Blessed

In my church, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we bear our testimonies a lot.  In fact, one church service every month is devoted to members bearing their testimonies of our Savior, Jesus Christ.  I feel an intense need to share my testimony right now.  My heart is so full!

Lana was in her crib, not sleeping but not crying either.  I heard her from the monitor start to say "mama" and continue saying it.  This is rare!  She says "dada" all the live-long day, but anything else is squeaks and squeals.  As she kept saying "mama" I decided to go to her, and actually I ran to her with a giant smile on my face.  As I picked up my sweet little girl, and whispered in her ear that mama loves her, I just felt... I felt so good.

I know God loves me, and I know my Savior died for me, He loves me that much.  But now I really understand it like I've never understood it before.  My love for my daughter enriches me, completes me, enfolds me.  It is a joyous realization that my Heavenly Father loves me as I love my earthly daughter.  I am loved!

My life is blessed beyond measure (thus the title of this blog post), and I struggle to find the words to express my gratitude.  I pray daily to my Father in heaven, through my Savior Jesus Christ, and proclaim my thanks.  I am so thankful for my knowledge of our Savior, for my membership in His true church.  I am so thankful for my sweet husband, who made all my dreams come true.  I love my husband more and more each day, and I can only pray and hope one day we can be sealed together for time and all eternity.  I love my family, and I love my husband's family.  I am surrounded and filled with love and gratitude for all my blessings.

And as I lay Lana down in her crib, kiss her forehead and whisper again that mama loves her, I am so thankful for my Father in Heaven and His love for me.

John 3:16
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

Lana's 1-year pics

I have been so overly excited to have Lana's picture taken for her 1-year old birthday announcement!  I had it planned out in my head, and I knew exactly the kind of pictures I wanted taken.  I got a recommendation for a photographer from my dental hygienist (I don't even know her name) and ran with it.  I contacted the photographer via email and explained I was looking for a photographer to take pics of Lana doing a smash cake, and I wanted lots of action shots!  I set the appointment and started planning (overplanning) her outfits.  I sent out text polls, and finalized her clothes and accessories (bows, bracelets, and shoes).  So, now I know that the more I look forward to something, and the higher expectations I have, the worse the experience will be...

Justen got home from work at 12:15, we left at 12:35 to get the cake and balloons.  I called on our way to the cake place and ordered the 3 balloons from the grocery store.  Justen went in to get the cake while I fed the baby in her carseat.  10 minutes later, he sends me a text saying "the cake will be freshly iced."  I called him and he said they haven't even started the cake yet!  It was supposed to be ready at noon!  While they finished the cake, we drove to the grocery store to get the balloons.  Guess what!  There are TWO grocery stores on the same road, and I ordered the balloons at the other store...  So I had the surly employee blow up a few balloons while I got some baby food.  I asked her for hot pink, pink, and blue, and she used BLACK ribbon to tie them.  When I commented on it, she gave me the rudest look, and it wasn't worth the fight.  We drive back to the cake place, and Justen brings out the smash cake, which looks like crap. They gave us $5 back, how nice of them.  It looked like something I could do myself, which is why we ordered a cake in the first place, so it looked great!

At this point, we are running about 20 minutes behind.  I tried calling the photographer to give her a head's up, and she didn't answer AND her voicemail was full...  When I got off the phone, and after I stopped crying, I looked at the navigation and realized we just missed our exit.  Now we were running 30 minutes late.  It was a lot of back country roads, and as Justen popped over a hill, there was a stop sign and a car pulling out.  No way we could stop, but he slammed on the brakes and swerved around the car!  I gasped, Lana giggled, and the cake went flying.  Great.  It was still okay, just slightly ajar, and mushed on one side.

We finally got there, and the photographer wasn't upset that we were late, thank goodness, but we didn't have any time to waste.  We left for another location, and Lana was as uncooperative as a 10-month old could be.  She wouldn't stand up, so when we sat her down she ate anything within reach.  Justen and I spent an hour, while the photographer tried to get Lana to smile, prying leaves, dirt, hay, and soybeans from her grasp.  She barfed all over her cute pink jean jacket.  She tried eating every necklace or bracelet I put on her.  She woudn't look at the camera. She wouldn't smile.

When we got back to the photographer's house and it was time to take pictures of Lana and her smash cake, I was worn out and sweaty, and it was only 61 degrees!!!  We dressed her in her cute tutu and pink onesie, put on her blue bracelets and necklace, then took off the necklace, and sat her down with the crappy cake.  I don't have any before pictures of the cake, either, since it looked so bad...  And that's okay, because all I cared about was the smashing pictures.

What.  A.  Bust.

Lana hates cake.  She cried, she pushed it away, she refused to taste it, she refused to touch it.  We gave her a balloon and she liked that!  But the cake, she just couldn't have cared less.  There was a really cool photo op of Lana slapping the balloon and cake flying everywhere, but the photographer missed it because she was looking at her camera.  That's when I called it.  We were done.  Her next appointment was there, Lana was crying, I was covered in cake from trying to get Lana to cover herself in cake...  Stick a fork in us, we were done.

The drive home was in silence, I was so disappointed at the whole thing.  I was actually mad at my sweet Lana for not liking cake and for not smiling at strangers while sitting in wet leaves with no socks on.  The nerve of her.

HA!  So, that's what taking her pictures was like for me.

Here's 3 pics the photographer posted to facebook this morning.

I was wrong.  I was upset over nothing.  The photographer captured my sweetheart and no one would ever know how unhappy she was, unless they read this blog post.

Adventures in Babysitting

Friday, September 26, 2014...  I had the opportunity to babysit the Sweeney girls and I enlisted the help of Justen's amazing Aunt Debbie who brought her granddaughter Madison.  So, it was Debbie, me, and 5 little girls aged 5, 2, 2, 10 months, and 9 months.  And they're ALL mobile!  It was so crazy and fun and exhausting.  I figured at the end of the day I'd know for sure if I was really ready for baby #2.  (jury's still out)

We got there at 8 and spent the first part of the morning playing in the house (the Sweeneys have ALL the cool toys, including a slide and trampoline) and eating breakfast and snacks.  We got Liz and baby Ally to take a nap, and poor Emily just kind of laid around playing on the tablet since she had a fever.

Of course, Lana and Madison refused to nap.  It was just so exciting to be around all those new toys and fun kids!  Before the girls woke up, we sang aunt Debbie Happy Birthday and had cake!  Madison and Emily enjoyed eating the icing, and I even gave Lana some which went over very well.

After naps we all went outside where Madison and Liz ran around kicking balls and going down the slide.  Emily wasn't feeling well so she crawled under the blanket I spread out on the grass for the babies so sit on.  The babies, who are getting so big, decided they were too cool for the blanket and crawled every which way.  I kept having to pry grass out of their hands.  Silly girls!

Madison and Liz played so well together, and Lana was such a good girl despite not napping AT ALL!  Both Madison and Lana slept as soon as the car started on the way home, cute girls.  All in all, it was quite the adventure!

Family Ties

It is important to note that no family is perfect, especially not mine.  However, it's the only family I have and despite our imperfections I long to be near them.  It is so hard for me to live so far away from the people I love.  My mom told me today to be proud to be a Castle, because I'll be a Castle a lot longer than I was a Johnsen.  But, that's easier said than done.

I was a Johnsen for 33 years, and we Johnsens are proud people.

I miss my parents, and I miss my brothers, and I miss my sweet nephews and niece.  I miss being a part of their lives, watching them grow up in person instead of the occasional instagram picture.  I am missing out on knowing my brothers' wives, and they married some pretty amazing ladies.  And worst, my sweet daughter Lana is missing out on knowing her grandparents, aunts, cousins, and 5 uncles that I adore.

When I grew up, we were close to a few of my dad's siblings because of church.  We spent holidays with my mom's sister, and saw my grandparents at holidays.  It's not like we were an island, because church becomes like a family, but we didn't grow up amidst family.  I became extremely close to my mom's side (aunt Janis and Melanie especially) as an adult, and call a few of my Johnsen cousins my friends (Karman, I'm talking about you, buddy!), but extended family was more an ideal than a reality.

So I guess I shouldn't mourn the disillusionment of my family's closeness.  We grew up together, but I haven't lived at home WITH them for 17 years (yikes).  My brothers have grown from boys into men, with families, careers, and lives I'm not really a part of.  And my dream of little Lana playing with Cason, Tysen, Echo, Graham, Clayton, and Dylan will come to fruition every few years, I hope.
She won't know them well, or have a close relationship with them, but she will LOVE them because of how much I love them.

She'll know that Caleb's laugh is loud and makes everyone else start laughing, in high school he was so good at football, and that he is always there to help if you need it.  She'll know that Jake is always good for a board game, is usually the smartest guy in the room, and that I owe him copious amounts of money that I swore I'd pay back.  She'll know that Sam is sarcastic, thinks he's a professional athlete, loves sports, and goes crazy for the hot light at Krispy Kreme.  She'll know that Tommy is tender-hearted, kind, and works really hard at staying fit.  She'll know that Joe is funny, silly, and always has some kind of chocolate or candy access.

I have to remember to tell her all about her family, my family, until we can be together again.

10 months!

How is my little Lana Juanita already 10 months old!  She is so fun and precious to me!  In honor of her 10 months of existence, here are 10 awesome facts about Lana:

1.  She has 8 teeth and loves to show them off.  Lana is a big smiler, and kind of a biter...

2.  Lana thinks her daddy is the greatest thing since slice bread.  In fact, she says "dadadada" all the time, and has actually started saying "daDDD"!  We're not sure if she understands that Justen IS daddy.

3.  Lana loves her bath, and loves being in water, period!  Lana is happiest in the pool or in the tub!

4.  She is a good eater, especially if it's fruits! 

5.  She loves books and being read to.

6.  Lana is no longer content in her crib.  She wants out!

7.  She also doesn't love her carseat...

8.  Lana loves carpet fuzz.  If there is fuzz on the ground, her little pinchers will find it and scoop it in her mouth.

9.  Her favorite toy is mom's water bottle.  She has claimed several of them as her own, and gets so excited when she gets to drink from it.

10.  Lana's all-time favorite new activity is swinging!  We took her to the park and put her in the swings and her little face just LIT up with joy!

Baby makes 3

Justen knew I was ready to start our family on June 23rd, 2012, the day after our wedding.  I have wanted to be a mother for as long as I could remember, and Justen, my prince, could make my dream come true.  We fully enjoyed our newlywed bliss, and tried for a few months with no results.  I really felt like we had done it, but several negative tests showed otherwise.  Then, on a whim, on March 8th, this happened...

Justen didn't believe the 2-lines, so after several more tests, he got it.  He didn't speak for awhile, and it was a long weekend...  He had some good one-liners when we told my parents the next day.  My mom said she hopes the baby has red hair, and Justen said he just hopes the baby is black.  Then when I told my dad and he cried, Justen said, "Yeah, I cried, too."  Ha ha, he's hilarious.

I told the rest of my family via text message on Sunday, and I got a scathing phone call from Jake in China.  He is the funniest brother, he told me that the way to tell someone news like "I'm getting married," or "I'm pregnant," should NOT be told via text (which is what I did with him both times).  We had a great talk.  Tommy also called me to congratulate me, which was awesome!  I emailed Joe, since he's on his mission, and he was excited to respond that he can't wait to be our baby's favorite uncle.  Which he will, it's inevitable.  Erica called me, she is so sweet and supportive!  Her twin sister, who got married within weeks of us, is also expecting!  So lucky Caleb & Erica get two new babies this winter!

After that we called Justen's parents, and both of us on the phone told his mom, who squealed and was so happy!  She told the rest of his family, who then called Justen.  They are funny, their first words weren't CONGRATS, they were, "Are you ok?"  Poor Justen, his family is pretty protective of him.  After he said something about "having to be okay, it's done" (so romantic) then he got the congratulations.

So, at 5-6 weeks, all the important people in our life knew.  I swore I wouldn't tell people until I was far enough along to either show or know the sex, and yet my excitement won out.  I couldn't wait to tell the news, my dreams had come true!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have a super fun chalkboard that I've been putting messages on every week.

5 weeks:

6 weeks:

7 weeks:

  

8 weeks:

I had my first doctor appointment on April 1st, which was a fun day to tell people that I'm pregnant, since it was April Fools!  I got to see my little blueberry, and got a due date of 11/18.  (that's about 9 days later than my online diagnosis, which made me 7-8 weeks pregnant for a few weeks)  Here's baby Castle's first picture!

It's really happening!  There's really a baby in there!  Our good friends, Matt & Suzanne, gave me some books that show what the baby looks like week by week.  Right now, it looks pretty gross...  Like a tadpole or something, creepy.  

I announced it on Instagram with this picture Justen took:

I put a picture on Facebook, too, but I didn't say anything with it.  I just hate Facebook lately...  It's social networking B.S. I can see how much fun everyone is having and I can have 900 friends, but yet my phone never rings...  So posting my pregnancy on Facebook wasn't something I looked forward to as it would be another way for people to know my greatest joy and yet not contact me personally about it.  Oh well, I'll get off my soapbox now.

week 9:

week 10:

week 11:

THIS WEEK, week 12:

So, I haven't been blogging lately, for a long time actually, for a reason.  And even before the baby news, our life isn't super exciting.  We are enjoying our first year of marriage, we are grateful for every day we get to spend together, and we fall more and more in love.  As substituting at schools dries up, I got a second job at CVS as a pharmacy technician.  I'm so homesick for my mom and my life in Missouri.  But, Justen does his best to help me during this first year of transition.  Life is really, really good for this Castle family.