In my church, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we bear our testimonies a lot. In fact, one church service every month is devoted to members bearing their testimonies of our Savior, Jesus Christ. I feel an intense need to share my testimony right now. My heart is so full!
Lana was in her crib, not sleeping but not crying either. I heard her from the monitor start to say "mama" and continue saying it. This is rare! She says "dada" all the live-long day, but anything else is squeaks and squeals. As she kept saying "mama" I decided to go to her, and actually I ran to her with a giant smile on my face. As I picked up my sweet little girl, and whispered in her ear that mama loves her, I just felt... I felt so good.
I know God loves me, and I know my Savior died for me, He loves me that much. But now I really understand it like I've never understood it before. My love for my daughter enriches me, completes me, enfolds me. It is a joyous realization that my Heavenly Father loves me as I love my earthly daughter. I am loved!
My life is blessed beyond measure (thus the title of this blog post), and I struggle to find the words to express my gratitude. I pray daily to my Father in heaven, through my Savior Jesus Christ, and proclaim my thanks. I am so thankful for my knowledge of our Savior, for my membership in His true church. I am so thankful for my sweet husband, who made all my dreams come true. I love my husband more and more each day, and I can only pray and hope one day we can be sealed together for time and all eternity. I love my family, and I love my husband's family. I am surrounded and filled with love and gratitude for all my blessings.
And as I lay Lana down in her crib, kiss her forehead and whisper again that mama loves her, I am so thankful for my Father in Heaven and His love for me.
John 3:16
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
Thursday, December 11, 2014
Thursday, October 2, 2014
Lana's 1-year pics
I have been so overly excited to have Lana's picture taken for her 1-year old birthday announcement! I had it planned out in my head, and I knew exactly the kind of pictures I wanted taken. I got a recommendation for a photographer from my dental hygienist (I don't even know her name) and ran with it. I contacted the photographer via email and explained I was looking for a photographer to take pics of Lana doing a smash cake, and I wanted lots of action shots! I set the appointment and started planning (overplanning) her outfits. I sent out text polls, and finalized her clothes and accessories (bows, bracelets, and shoes). So, now I know that the more I look forward to something, and the higher expectations I have, the worse the experience will be...
Justen got home from work at 12:15, we left at 12:35 to get the cake and balloons. I called on our way to the cake place and ordered the 3 balloons from the grocery store. Justen went in to get the cake while I fed the baby in her carseat. 10 minutes later, he sends me a text saying "the cake will be freshly iced." I called him and he said they haven't even started the cake yet! It was supposed to be ready at noon! While they finished the cake, we drove to the grocery store to get the balloons. Guess what! There are TWO grocery stores on the same road, and I ordered the balloons at the other store... So I had the surly employee blow up a few balloons while I got some baby food. I asked her for hot pink, pink, and blue, and she used BLACK ribbon to tie them. When I commented on it, she gave me the rudest look, and it wasn't worth the fight. We drive back to the cake place, and Justen brings out the smash cake, which looks like crap. They gave us $5 back, how nice of them. It looked like something I could do myself, which is why we ordered a cake in the first place, so it looked great!
At this point, we are running about 20 minutes behind. I tried calling the photographer to give her a head's up, and she didn't answer AND her voicemail was full... When I got off the phone, and after I stopped crying, I looked at the navigation and realized we just missed our exit. Now we were running 30 minutes late. It was a lot of back country roads, and as Justen popped over a hill, there was a stop sign and a car pulling out. No way we could stop, but he slammed on the brakes and swerved around the car! I gasped, Lana giggled, and the cake went flying. Great. It was still okay, just slightly ajar, and mushed on one side.
We finally got there, and the photographer wasn't upset that we were late, thank goodness, but we didn't have any time to waste. We left for another location, and Lana was as uncooperative as a 10-month old could be. She wouldn't stand up, so when we sat her down she ate anything within reach. Justen and I spent an hour, while the photographer tried to get Lana to smile, prying leaves, dirt, hay, and soybeans from her grasp. She barfed all over her cute pink jean jacket. She tried eating every necklace or bracelet I put on her. She woudn't look at the camera. She wouldn't smile.
When we got back to the photographer's house and it was time to take pictures of Lana and her smash cake, I was worn out and sweaty, and it was only 61 degrees!!! We dressed her in her cute tutu and pink onesie, put on her blue bracelets and necklace, then took off the necklace, and sat her down with the crappy cake. I don't have any before pictures of the cake, either, since it looked so bad... And that's okay, because all I cared about was the smashing pictures.
What. A. Bust.
Lana hates cake. She cried, she pushed it away, she refused to taste it, she refused to touch it. We gave her a balloon and she liked that! But the cake, she just couldn't have cared less. There was a really cool photo op of Lana slapping the balloon and cake flying everywhere, but the photographer missed it because she was looking at her camera. That's when I called it. We were done. Her next appointment was there, Lana was crying, I was covered in cake from trying to get Lana to cover herself in cake... Stick a fork in us, we were done.
The drive home was in silence, I was so disappointed at the whole thing. I was actually mad at my sweet Lana for not liking cake and for not smiling at strangers while sitting in wet leaves with no socks on. The nerve of her.
HA! So, that's what taking her pictures was like for me.
Here's 3 pics the photographer posted to facebook this morning.
I was wrong. I was upset over nothing. The photographer captured my sweetheart and no one would ever know how unhappy she was, unless they read this blog post.
Justen got home from work at 12:15, we left at 12:35 to get the cake and balloons. I called on our way to the cake place and ordered the 3 balloons from the grocery store. Justen went in to get the cake while I fed the baby in her carseat. 10 minutes later, he sends me a text saying "the cake will be freshly iced." I called him and he said they haven't even started the cake yet! It was supposed to be ready at noon! While they finished the cake, we drove to the grocery store to get the balloons. Guess what! There are TWO grocery stores on the same road, and I ordered the balloons at the other store... So I had the surly employee blow up a few balloons while I got some baby food. I asked her for hot pink, pink, and blue, and she used BLACK ribbon to tie them. When I commented on it, she gave me the rudest look, and it wasn't worth the fight. We drive back to the cake place, and Justen brings out the smash cake, which looks like crap. They gave us $5 back, how nice of them. It looked like something I could do myself, which is why we ordered a cake in the first place, so it looked great!
At this point, we are running about 20 minutes behind. I tried calling the photographer to give her a head's up, and she didn't answer AND her voicemail was full... When I got off the phone, and after I stopped crying, I looked at the navigation and realized we just missed our exit. Now we were running 30 minutes late. It was a lot of back country roads, and as Justen popped over a hill, there was a stop sign and a car pulling out. No way we could stop, but he slammed on the brakes and swerved around the car! I gasped, Lana giggled, and the cake went flying. Great. It was still okay, just slightly ajar, and mushed on one side.
We finally got there, and the photographer wasn't upset that we were late, thank goodness, but we didn't have any time to waste. We left for another location, and Lana was as uncooperative as a 10-month old could be. She wouldn't stand up, so when we sat her down she ate anything within reach. Justen and I spent an hour, while the photographer tried to get Lana to smile, prying leaves, dirt, hay, and soybeans from her grasp. She barfed all over her cute pink jean jacket. She tried eating every necklace or bracelet I put on her. She woudn't look at the camera. She wouldn't smile.
When we got back to the photographer's house and it was time to take pictures of Lana and her smash cake, I was worn out and sweaty, and it was only 61 degrees!!! We dressed her in her cute tutu and pink onesie, put on her blue bracelets and necklace, then took off the necklace, and sat her down with the crappy cake. I don't have any before pictures of the cake, either, since it looked so bad... And that's okay, because all I cared about was the smashing pictures.
What. A. Bust.
Lana hates cake. She cried, she pushed it away, she refused to taste it, she refused to touch it. We gave her a balloon and she liked that! But the cake, she just couldn't have cared less. There was a really cool photo op of Lana slapping the balloon and cake flying everywhere, but the photographer missed it because she was looking at her camera. That's when I called it. We were done. Her next appointment was there, Lana was crying, I was covered in cake from trying to get Lana to cover herself in cake... Stick a fork in us, we were done.
The drive home was in silence, I was so disappointed at the whole thing. I was actually mad at my sweet Lana for not liking cake and for not smiling at strangers while sitting in wet leaves with no socks on. The nerve of her.
HA! So, that's what taking her pictures was like for me.
Here's 3 pics the photographer posted to facebook this morning.
I was wrong. I was upset over nothing. The photographer captured my sweetheart and no one would ever know how unhappy she was, unless they read this blog post.
Saturday, September 27, 2014
Adventures in Babysitting
Friday, September 26, 2014... I had the opportunity to babysit the Sweeney girls and I enlisted the help of Justen's amazing Aunt Debbie who brought her granddaughter Madison. So, it was Debbie, me, and 5 little girls aged 5, 2, 2, 10 months, and 9 months. And they're ALL mobile! It was so crazy and fun and exhausting. I figured at the end of the day I'd know for sure if I was really ready for baby #2. (jury's still out)
We got there at 8 and spent the first part of the morning playing in the house (the Sweeneys have ALL the cool toys, including a slide and trampoline) and eating breakfast and snacks. We got Liz and baby Ally to take a nap, and poor Emily just kind of laid around playing on the tablet since she had a fever.
Of course, Lana and Madison refused to nap. It was just so exciting to be around all those new toys and fun kids! Before the girls woke up, we sang aunt Debbie Happy Birthday and had cake! Madison and Emily enjoyed eating the icing, and I even gave Lana some which went over very well.
After naps we all went outside where Madison and Liz ran around kicking balls and going down the slide. Emily wasn't feeling well so she crawled under the blanket I spread out on the grass for the babies so sit on. The babies, who are getting so big, decided they were too cool for the blanket and crawled every which way. I kept having to pry grass out of their hands. Silly girls!
Madison and Liz played so well together, and Lana was such a good girl despite not napping AT ALL! Both Madison and Lana slept as soon as the car started on the way home, cute girls. All in all, it was quite the adventure!
We got there at 8 and spent the first part of the morning playing in the house (the Sweeneys have ALL the cool toys, including a slide and trampoline) and eating breakfast and snacks. We got Liz and baby Ally to take a nap, and poor Emily just kind of laid around playing on the tablet since she had a fever.
Of course, Lana and Madison refused to nap. It was just so exciting to be around all those new toys and fun kids! Before the girls woke up, we sang aunt Debbie Happy Birthday and had cake! Madison and Emily enjoyed eating the icing, and I even gave Lana some which went over very well.
After naps we all went outside where Madison and Liz ran around kicking balls and going down the slide. Emily wasn't feeling well so she crawled under the blanket I spread out on the grass for the babies so sit on. The babies, who are getting so big, decided they were too cool for the blanket and crawled every which way. I kept having to pry grass out of their hands. Silly girls!
Madison and Liz played so well together, and Lana was such a good girl despite not napping AT ALL! Both Madison and Lana slept as soon as the car started on the way home, cute girls. All in all, it was quite the adventure!
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
Family Ties
It is important to note that no family is perfect, especially not mine. However, it's the only family I have and despite our imperfections I long to be near them. It is so hard for me to live so far away from the people I love. My mom told me today to be proud to be a Castle, because I'll be a Castle a lot longer than I was a Johnsen. But, that's easier said than done.
I was a Johnsen for 33 years, and we Johnsens are proud people.
I miss my parents, and I miss my brothers, and I miss my sweet nephews and niece. I miss being a part of their lives, watching them grow up in person instead of the occasional instagram picture. I am missing out on knowing my brothers' wives, and they married some pretty amazing ladies. And worst, my sweet daughter Lana is missing out on knowing her grandparents, aunts, cousins, and 5 uncles that I adore.
When I grew up, we were close to a few of my dad's siblings because of church. We spent holidays with my mom's sister, and saw my grandparents at holidays. It's not like we were an island, because church becomes like a family, but we didn't grow up amidst family. I became extremely close to my mom's side (aunt Janis and Melanie especially) as an adult, and call a few of my Johnsen cousins my friends (Karman, I'm talking about you, buddy!), but extended family was more an ideal than a reality.
So I guess I shouldn't mourn the disillusionment of my family's closeness. We grew up together, but I haven't lived at home WITH them for 17 years (yikes). My brothers have grown from boys into men, with families, careers, and lives I'm not really a part of. And my dream of little Lana playing with Cason, Tysen, Echo, Graham, Clayton, and Dylan will come to fruition every few years, I hope.
She won't know them well, or have a close relationship with them, but she will LOVE them because of how much I love them.
She'll know that Caleb's laugh is loud and makes everyone else start laughing, in high school he was so good at football, and that he is always there to help if you need it. She'll know that Jake is always good for a board game, is usually the smartest guy in the room, and that I owe him copious amounts of money that I swore I'd pay back. She'll know that Sam is sarcastic, thinks he's a professional athlete, loves sports, and goes crazy for the hot light at Krispy Kreme. She'll know that Tommy is tender-hearted, kind, and works really hard at staying fit. She'll know that Joe is funny, silly, and always has some kind of chocolate or candy access.
I have to remember to tell her all about her family, my family, until we can be together again.
I was a Johnsen for 33 years, and we Johnsens are proud people.
I miss my parents, and I miss my brothers, and I miss my sweet nephews and niece. I miss being a part of their lives, watching them grow up in person instead of the occasional instagram picture. I am missing out on knowing my brothers' wives, and they married some pretty amazing ladies. And worst, my sweet daughter Lana is missing out on knowing her grandparents, aunts, cousins, and 5 uncles that I adore.
When I grew up, we were close to a few of my dad's siblings because of church. We spent holidays with my mom's sister, and saw my grandparents at holidays. It's not like we were an island, because church becomes like a family, but we didn't grow up amidst family. I became extremely close to my mom's side (aunt Janis and Melanie especially) as an adult, and call a few of my Johnsen cousins my friends (Karman, I'm talking about you, buddy!), but extended family was more an ideal than a reality.
So I guess I shouldn't mourn the disillusionment of my family's closeness. We grew up together, but I haven't lived at home WITH them for 17 years (yikes). My brothers have grown from boys into men, with families, careers, and lives I'm not really a part of. And my dream of little Lana playing with Cason, Tysen, Echo, Graham, Clayton, and Dylan will come to fruition every few years, I hope.
She won't know them well, or have a close relationship with them, but she will LOVE them because of how much I love them.
She'll know that Caleb's laugh is loud and makes everyone else start laughing, in high school he was so good at football, and that he is always there to help if you need it. She'll know that Jake is always good for a board game, is usually the smartest guy in the room, and that I owe him copious amounts of money that I swore I'd pay back. She'll know that Sam is sarcastic, thinks he's a professional athlete, loves sports, and goes crazy for the hot light at Krispy Kreme. She'll know that Tommy is tender-hearted, kind, and works really hard at staying fit. She'll know that Joe is funny, silly, and always has some kind of chocolate or candy access.
I have to remember to tell her all about her family, my family, until we can be together again.
Friday, September 19, 2014
10 months!
How is my little Lana Juanita already 10 months old! She is so fun and precious to me! In honor of her 10 months of existence, here are 10 awesome facts about Lana:
1. She has 8 teeth and loves to show them off. Lana is a big smiler, and kind of a biter...
2. Lana thinks her daddy is the greatest thing since slice bread. In fact, she says "dadadada" all the time, and has actually started saying "daDDD"! We're not sure if she understands that Justen IS daddy.
3. Lana loves her bath, and loves being in water, period! Lana is happiest in the pool or in the tub!
5. She loves books and being read to.
6. Lana is no longer content in her crib. She wants out!
7. She also doesn't love her carseat...
8. Lana loves carpet fuzz. If there is fuzz on the ground, her little pinchers will find it and scoop it in her mouth.
9. Her favorite toy is mom's water bottle. She has claimed several of them as her own, and gets so excited when she gets to drink from it.
10. Lana's all-time favorite new activity is swinging! We took her to the park and put her in the swings and her little face just LIT up with joy!
1. She has 8 teeth and loves to show them off. Lana is a big smiler, and kind of a biter...
2. Lana thinks her daddy is the greatest thing since slice bread. In fact, she says "dadadada" all the time, and has actually started saying "daDDD"! We're not sure if she understands that Justen IS daddy.
3. Lana loves her bath, and loves being in water, period! Lana is happiest in the pool or in the tub!
4. She is a good eater, especially if it's fruits!
6. Lana is no longer content in her crib. She wants out!
7. She also doesn't love her carseat...
8. Lana loves carpet fuzz. If there is fuzz on the ground, her little pinchers will find it and scoop it in her mouth.
9. Her favorite toy is mom's water bottle. She has claimed several of them as her own, and gets so excited when she gets to drink from it.
10. Lana's all-time favorite new activity is swinging! We took her to the park and put her in the swings and her little face just LIT up with joy!
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